


Take Me To Nirvana

by orphan_account



Category: Phan
Genre: Alex I hope all my promos didnt go to waste, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, High School AU, I Tried, I apparently put DNA howell the first time oops, I was listening to music, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Smut, Phil Lester - Freeform, Smut, Underage - Freeform, We have over 300 reads it isnt even that good, Yes I named this after a song lyric sue me, fluff at times, gay ship, gaysmut, idek if this is any good, idk probably more to come, maleonmale, shitsmut, sorry - Freeform, underagesmut, why does this have over 200 reads it isn't even that good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-02 00:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5227643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell and Phil Lester are best friends who are in their last year of school. They know each other inside and out, but they are keeping a secret from each other. They both like guys, but keep quiet out of fear of rejection from the other one. They think if the word comes out, it could be the end of their friendship and when you have only one friend, how well would that turn out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another normal day in the life of me (Dan's POV)

**Author's Note:**

> Update 12/17/15: Chapter 5 is up, has some terrible smut in it. Thanks for over 300 reads! :)

Dan’s POV  
My car door slams behind me, a result of too much force and some wind. I throw my bag on to my shoulder and walk towards the school, hoping that Phil is there already, waiting as always. I walked in the direction of the school, keeping my head low, as if that is going to help me from being noticed by the preps and other peasants. I glance up for a second, just to see if I can see even a glimpse of his raven black hair or one of his strange, but yet compelling at the same time, shirts that he generally wears. He likes them and they have just became a part of him and his look. He says the stranger, the better. I barely see him, same place as always. A smile forms upon his fair-toned face as he sees me walking towards him. I can’t help but to have a small grin on my face at how happy he looks over something as simple as me. He wears just a shirt with the sky on it, nothing more than blue and clouds, accompanied by some jeans and his sneakers. This isn’t the first time I have seen this exact outfit, and definitely won’t be the last.  
“Dan!” he slightly shouts at me, his grin still there, but slowly fading as any smile ever would.  
“Hi”, I respond, less cheerfully. He has always been the more cheerful one of us, ever since we met in Year 7, me being one of those “weird” kids that couldn’t make friends, and then he decided that he was going to be my friend, and we became friends with each other, mainly because Phil wouldn’t give up, and I actually liked him quite a bit once I got to know him. This year was our final year in the public school system. Year 13, meaning we only had another year of this hell hole, unless we decided to go onto university. I hear a couple snickers from the same popular boys that did it every year since we entered year 10, and a small “fag” escape from one of their lips, and a couple of weaker taunts from the rest of the group as they walked away, but I ignore them and just roll my eyes, not wanting to start drama and definitely not wanting to drag Phil into it. I’m not saying that he can’t defend himself, just he looks weaker than me when it comes to outward appearance, plus I think his personality is a bit too adorable to be involved in a fistfight with those peasants. I lead me and Phil towards the doors of the school, allowing us enough time to get settled before class.  
“So, are we stopping at lockers?” he asks me, as we finally enter the actual building.  
I roll my eyes, “Phil, what do we do every day?” I ask, my tone mocking.  
“Go to lockers…” he says, his voice like he had been scolded. He was only joking though, of course. He wasn’t actually upset by what I had said. He had gotten used to my dry and sarcastic sense of humor years ago. I begin walking to the lockers, figuring he got the point by now. I make it a habit to rarely stop at my locker, and seeing as it is only the beginning of the week, I don’t feel the need to right now. I turn down the hall where his locker is and stop by it while he turns the lock dial so he can get into his locker. I watch the way Phil’s hands move as he does his combination. I can see them just slightly shake, possibly from the fact that he is concentrating or maybe from the fact that it is a new week with new surprises in store. When I see him yank the lock unlocked and a small smirk come across his face, I move back a bit so he can open his locker. Since we are already into the second month of the school year, his locker had a small stuffed lion, a picture of his family’s vacation to some place that I forgot the name of that they went on last year, and a small whiteboard, all of which he claimed were, “important items that must be there”. As far as forgetting the place they went to on vacation, it isn’t like I don’t pay attention and that is why I forgot, it was just more of the fact that I think I was bit more concerned about school about ready to start again and it caused my mind not to fully be there. He grabs all of his books and shuts the locker door. This is the part of the day where we split up for a bit. I go to language arts while he goes to biology. It kind of sucks only getting to see him in two classes, maths and history, but I mean, it is kind of nice to have free time too.  
“Bye”, he (…) to me. I slightly grin, signaling my goodbye, and he goes one way while I go another. It isn’t like I long to see him or anything like that, just he is my only friend so classes that are boring as hell seem to go on forever because there isn’t anyone to distract me from what is going on in these boring classes  
When I reach the classroom, I just do what I always do. I walk in while everyone is talking with their friends or playing games, waiting for the teacher to arrive, and I take my spot in the back of the class in the right corner and pull out my phone and put on some headphones, listening to music while I wait. If you were just judging on my music taste, I would be one of those emo kids, but I’m not. Sure I do lack color most of the time and have a fringe, but I wouldn’t call myself emo.  
When the teacher arrives, I just turn off my music and try to focus on what she is saying. She is talking about some book that we are supposed to be reading, but of course, procrastination got in the way, so I’m behind, but I’ll catch up, the essay isn’t due for another two weeks. I wonder how Phil is doing in biology right now. Some people might say that my thoughts revolve around him too much, but there is only a few things in my life, family, school, my stupid retail job, drama club, and him. It leaves my options pretty limited. I secretly check my phone just in case today is the day he finally decided to break the no phone rule and text me. No new messages. Typical, I think to myself.  
“Daniel, are you paying attention?” my teacher asks. Shit. What did she say?  
“What was the question again?” I ask nervously. I have this huge fear of audience participation. This is one of the most terrifying scenarios for me. I hear some of the kids snicker and the teacher just rolls her eyes and goes back to teaching. I feel the heat start to rise to my cheeks.  
The bell rings and we all leave the class. I start on my way to this chemistry class I am taking when I hear one of the popular guys say something to me.  
“If only your fag was there to save the day for you, huh emo freak?” he says. I try to calm down, not wanting to get in a fight because I probably wouldn’t win and because it is just more unnecessary drama.  
“Leave me alone”, I mumble. His friends laugh and I just keep walking.  
“You think that is going to stop me? You must be dumber than we thought, freak”, he taunts in an attempt to push me over the edge, but I just wasn’t in the mode for their petty drama right now.  
They must have either been too caught up in laughter or have found another victim because they stop following me. Even though I blow it off, it always stings a little, no matter how used to it I am. For one, nobody is a faggot. Even if Phil and I were gay, we still wouldn’t be faggots. Also, I am not emo, I might agree on the whole freak part, but I’m not emo. I make it to science, and the process starts again. I sit and I wait, half-paying attention to the teacher. Some people might find my habits to be bad on my grades, but I get pretty good grades. I do all my homework on time, and I pay attention the important things.  
Science finally ends and I headed to one of the classes that I share with Phil, maths. Though it is dreaded because in all honestly I will never use it, but Phil makes it a bit more pleasant. I take my seat in the back, where Phil is already there, waiting for me. When he sees me, we lock eyes, and he smiles one of his cheeky, big grins. I can’t contain a smile of my own from escaping at the sight of how happy he looks. He has one of the most adorable smiles I have ever seen. It is big, but it suits him. It also makes his already beautifully blue eyes even more lit up and amazing, so excuse me for getting happy at the site of it. I sit down next to him and we turn slightly so we can talk.  
His grin starts naturally fading, “So, how was the rest of your classes?” he asks me.  
“Terrible”, I say, rolling my eyes.  
“I’m sorry”, he says to me, sounding sort of sad in a sympathetic way. Our conversation goes on until the end of class, just in notes to avoid being caught. The class ends and the rest of the day just kind of goes on normally with nothing too exciting happening, not even in drama, my favorite part of the day.  
“Do you need a lift?” I ask Phil when we exit the school building at the end of the day, another part of the normal routine that we were in.  
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” He replies to me. He doesn’t have his own car because his family doesn’t always pay the most attention to him, so he has to take care of himself a lot and they won’t buy him a car or let him use his dad’s car, so he has to get his own and he can’t afford one right now. His family was caring when they were around, but they were busy with his older brother and their jobs and sometimes that meant sacrificing some of their time for Phil. I don’t mind giving him a lift, he only lives a couple blocks down from me and he always offer to pay gas, even though I deny it because he is my friend and I shouldn’t need something in return for being a decent human. We both get into the car and go to buckle at the same time. Our faces get close to each other and we just sit like that for a moment. I wonder what he is thinking about because I know what I am. I’m thinking about the consequences of kissing him. That was one of the biggest secrets I keep from him and it is that I like guys. He would probably would find it weird and be afraid that I would only like him romantically and stop being my friend, and I can’t risk that. I care about him too much to sacrifice a friendship over something like that. We eventually move away, heat rising to both of our cheeks and a small bit of awkward silence falling between the two of us. I say sorry, and he just says it is fine and laughs, making the air a bit calmer, but not quite normal and I pull out of the parking lot and drive him to his house.  
“Bye, Dan, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he says.  
“Unless I die from some mysterious illness”, I tell him, “Do you have a ride for tomorrow?” I ask  
“Yeah, my brother said he would give me a ride” he responds, smiling and waving as he walks off. I sit in the driveway for a minute, making sure he can get in safely. When he enters, I back out of the driveway and make my way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. I get this is kind of a overused prompt, but I wanted to try my hand at it. Please remember to comment and give kudos if you enjoyed it because it help reassure me that this isn't too bad. For Cyan, who would love to read this if we were still together and My Love/Plant Child, who always inspires me to do my best.


	2. Swing Sets and Sunsets (Phil's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After thinking over the almost kiss, Phil decides to put it behind him, which results in boredom and a trip to that park at sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! I don't care for this chapter as much, but it is a filler chapter because I have a plan for the next chapter.

Phil’s POV  
I shut Dan’s car door and start walking towards the house. What just happened? I think to myself. It was just us trying to buckle our seatbelts, nothing more, nothing less. But, it had a different feeling. It didn’t feel like two guys trying to buckle, it felt like a scene from a movie where you come close to kissing someone, but it doesn’t happen, but more awkward than that, seeing as neither of us openly liked guys. I pretty sure that Dan doesn’t like guys. You might think so from how he looks at me sometimes, but we are just close friends. He always stresses how much he likes girls, and it is annoying sometimes, but I’m happy for him accepting that part of himself. I never say anything to him, no matter how much it hurts to keep a secret from him, but I like guys. I just can’t feel a connection with women. Some people say I have my head in the clouds because I believe in finding true love, but I believe that I’m going to find that connection, and I’m afraid that I might find it in my best friend, who just happens to be a guy. It is all so confusing for me.  
I get to the door and use the key to open it, knowing that no one is home. Martyn is working on shopping for his new apartment so he can move out of the house, something he can’t do while he doesn’t even have a couch or anything. As far as my mum and dad, they both had jobs that required a lot of their time, so of course they wouldn’t be home for a while. My mum is pretty nice and caring when she has time to relax and my dad is lost in his thoughts a lot. I understand that they are busy though, so I just take care of myself for the most part. I don’t mind though, they do a good job providing. I take out my phone to see if I had any messages. My dad sent something just telling me that they wouldn’t be home until sundown, so don’t wait up and I had something from Dan. “Do you know the answer to problem 3?” it read. I roll my eyes and let out a slight chuckle, partly from remembering that I should also be doing my work and the other part being because I should have expected nothing less from Dan, being the kind of person that will ask me for help because he knows I will always be there for him. I take out my work and look over the problem, before deciding the answer is -3. “-3” I reply. I set my phone down and started actually working on my work. I found that it went pretty smoothly for homework. When I finish, I check my phone again, Dan replied with a thanks, and I can hear him just kind of mumbling it in a typical Dan Howell fashion. The thing about Dan is that he will generally not actually thank you for helping him in a traditional way, he will do it in a way such as mumbling as if he is embarrassed to have asked for help or in a “There? You got your credit for helping. Are you happy now?” but, as with all of his other quirks and with his personality, I have gotten used to it.  
I walk downstairs to get some food, seeing as no one would be home for a while. Or so I thought, I think as I hear the sound of a car pull in, probably Martyn’s because it doesn’t so in near as good as the car that my dad drives. Great, he probably brought home his “friend” from uni too, so I guess no peace for me. But, I guess the nice thing is that I can borrow his car if I want to go anywhere far away. I quickly take down a bowl and put cereal and milk in it as I hear them walk up the porch. I take my cereal and a spoon and I go upstairs to my room. I grab my phone and turn on some Muse and listen to it through my headphones. Muse is my favorite band and Dan and I share a mutual love for it. It is something that helped bond our friendship together. He would barely talk to me, because Dan has always been sort of reclusive when he doesn’t know you, and he just muttered, “Leave me alone so I can listen to Muse.” I then proceeded to talk about Muse with him, earning a bit more conversation out of him. I’m glad I didn’t give up on him like others had because I love having him as a best friend. “Of course. My brother just got home :(” I text him. I sit there listening to music and eating cereal until I realized how bored I truly was and that I should go out and do something fun instead of just sitting alone. Seeing as it was only like 4, I put my bowl and spoon in the sink downstairs and throw my green hoodie. I slip on some sneakers and write a small note that says, “Went to park. Will be home soon. –Phil” and walk out the door to the park that is near my house.  
It is kind of chilly for it only being October, but I don’t mind, it’s a nice day out and I have nothing else to do, so why not go to the park? When I get there, I hear the laughter of children playing, young and carefree. I decided to sit on the swings, pushing myself slightly with my feet. It made me thing of a young me, being pushed by mum, begging to go higher and higher. Back then, Martyn wasn’t growing up and becoming an adult and they weren’t as busy with work, so they had a bit more time for me. I never tell them how I feel out of fear of hurting their feelings because I know they are trying their hardest. It isn’t too unbearable though, it is nice sometimes to have free time and I have Dan to keep me from getting lonely. I pull out my phone to see a text from Dan reading, “Sorry, that sucks.” He knows it doesn’t bug me that much that Martyn is home, but he is still showing some sympathy over a small thing. “Its fine, I’m at the park anyway” I say back. I also see a text from my brother telling me to make sure I’m home before dark, as if I am a child and he is my parent. Dan just says cool, meaning he is stuck in the conversation, so I just ignore it and put my phone away. I slightly swing while looking around. The trees look beautiful this time of year, they are changing into brilliant shades of red and yellow. The sun is setting, making the sky look purple and pink and orange. I get off the swing, deciding to go back home so I can eat and possibly watch a bit of Buffy the Vampire Slayer before I go to sleep. I get up and start walking home, a place not so far away.  
When I get there, I see my parents are back and Martyn has already left with his friend.  
“Oh, Phil, you made it back just in time for dinner”, my mum says as I enter the door.  
“Well that’s good. I’m glad I didn’t miss it”, I tell her sincerely, a smile on my face.  
“Did you talk to anyone?” My mom asked. She knows I’m a nice person, but am not very good at making friends, so she always hopes that I have made another friend besides just Dan.  
“No”, I respond, causing a bit of disappointment to cross her face, but it quickly disappears.  
“You need to be more social, boy. Look at Martyn, he has plenty of friends”, my dad tells me, adding to the conversation. He never admits it, but he thinks I’m a bit of a disappointment with my inability to make friends and he always compares me to him, but I won’t ever confront him.  
“I’m sorry”, I mumble, sitting down at the table to eat. They start talking about work, so I just eat my food, not really interested in talking about work.  
“So Phil, have you thought about what you would like to go to university for?” my dad asks. Though I’d like to tell him media, I learned last year that it isn’t a good idea to talk about such an “unstable and unrealistic career” with him, so I just tell him that I have been looking.  
“Well that’s good. We are glad you are considering your future”, he says before going back to eating and talking.  
I get up and put my plate in the dishwasher after I’m done and then go upstairs to my room. I text Dan telling him that I was just going to lay down because it is later than I was expecting it to be and to have sweet dreams. I put my phone on the charger before laying down and falling into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't my best work, but I gave it my all. Please comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed it. Feedback is appreciated. The next chapter will be better.


	3. Skipping School for Some Starbucks and Quality Time in the Car (Dan's POV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been a week since the encounter and it is time to stop hiding, but what happens when you are hiding from a huge secret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for so much dialouge

Dan’s pov  
It had been a week. One week since the awkward encounter in the car. One week of us still being friendly, but restricted. Every accidental touch brought me back to the memory, and I’m sure it did for him too. I still gave him rides and we still talked, but there is always and underlying awkwardness. I pull up to the school, Phil sitting in the passenger seat, still as present but the talk was awkward at times.  
“You can get out, Phil, we are here”, I say, the car idling in the parking lot as we arrived at school, the rain pouring outside. Typical England weather.  
“Aren’t you going to?” he asks me, a confused look on his face.  
Shit, I think to myself. In all honesty, I was going to skip. I know I said I was going to try not to this year, but I just need a break from everyone and some time to clear my head.  
“Dan, you said you would try not to” he says softly, apparently realizing what the silence meant.  
“I tried and made it almost three months, but I just need a break.” I say blandly.  
“Then I’m coming with”, he decides. I can’t help but feel guilty by that. I don’t want to put Phil in jeopardy over my choice.  
“Phil, really it’s fi-” I start to say before being cut off.  
“No, where are we going?” he asks. I feel really bad, he needs an education so he can get into a good university, but I guess it is his choice, right?  
“Do you just want some Starbucks?” I ask him, giving up on changing his mind. He nods his head and I start the car and pull out. We drive over to the Starbucks a couple blocks down the street. Something feels wrong, I think. I look over and Phil is just staring out the window, not in his usual happy daydream, but lost in thought.  
“Phil what’s wrong?” I ask him out of concern.  
“Nothing” he says, though it is obvious there is. I pull in and we get out of the car, walking into the Starbucks. I make him order because I would mess it up, and we just both get a coffee with some caramel in it. I told him to just order me whatever he got, and that is what we were going to have.I look around, the place isn’t too busy, so when they hand us our drink, we decide to sit by the window at a small two person table.  
“Dan, can I talk to you about something?” he says quietly as we sit down.  
“Of course” I ask, trying to go over the possibilities  
“So do you remember last week, when we were in the car…” he says, his voice trailing off. My heart begins to race. I start panicking. Shit, I thought maybe he forgot. I didn’t want to do this here, because I wasn’t trying too get overly emotional in public. I can feel it in my throat that anything I say is going to come out on the edge because of my panicking.  
“Can we go somewhere a bit more private, like the car?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. I decided that was the most private place we could go at the moment, even if it was the scene where this mess all started. I start to get up, not waiting for a response from him. I grab the coffee and start to walk, listening to his foot step behind me, trying to keep up. We both exit the building and run across the parking lot because it is raining, and we both sit in the car, Phil on the passenger side, me in the driver’s seat.  
“Well, when it happened, this weird thing happened. Well, for me at least, and I hope you felt it to, otherwise this would be awkward. I felt a connection, but a different kind. It was like a movie and we were the two main characters. Dan, I like guys and I think I might be falling in love with you.” He says, making me almost spit out my coffee. This boy, my best friend, the one I’m starting to fall for, likes guys, and the guy he has chosen to love is me “What about you?”  
“No”, I say before I can think. Shit, Dan, why did you lie? Why can’t you just be honest? I see his face drop and he nods understandingly before turning his head so he can look out the window.  
“Wait, Phil. Look at me. I lied, I gave you the same line I give everyone, I’m sorry, I am so sorry. I do, actually I’m gay, I just didn’t know how to tell you and I really do like you and I just… really wish you loved me too” I say, the last part barely audible. The rain fills the  
“I do, bear, forever and always. If you liked me, you could have just said so” he says, a smile on his face. Not a slight smile or anything, but a big genuine smile, the one I love seeing plastered on the boy’s face. Then, I kiss him. I couldn’t help myself, he just looked so beautiful, the rain pouring in the background, the risk of being caught out of school, the risk of being together, but it all faded away when I looked at the beautiful boy with an even more amazing smile, and I just couldn’t help it. I feel him tense up at first, but then realize what was happening, and falling into the kiss, our lips moving in sync with each other. I know it is cliché but it felt like everything was perfect. That it was just two guys kissing and nothing was around but us. It didn’t feel like two teenagers making out in the car, one of them pinned to a window. I run my tongue across his bottom lip, asking for permission. He grants permission and we fight for dominance, and he decides to take over, me letting him, liking the dominance he was displaying and we fall back into our sync before pulling apart for air.  
“I love you, Dan” he says to me, our foreheads together as we try to catch our breath.  
“I love you too” I say, before we quickly kiss again and I turn on the car so we can hopefully make it back in time for second period. Phil goes back to his happy normalness as we drive back to the school in hopes we don’t get caught coming back in.  
“Wait, Dan? Are we dating now?” he asks me. Shit, there is always that issue, I remember.  
“How do you feel about it? We don’t have to date just because we kissed if you don’t want to, Phil.” I tell him. Though I would love to date him, I don’t want to force him  
“I want to, definitely, but I want to be sure you are comfortable with it” he replies  
“Yeah, I am. I guess we are dating” I say. He’s mine, this boy who I met years ago, the one who didn’t give up on me no matter how hard I tried to get him to leave, the one who has always been by my side, the boy named Phil Lester who I now got to call mine. We pull into the school, both of us going around back to sneak in. We blend in with the rest of the students as we walk through the door in the hall. He grabs my hand, and walks me to my class. When we get there, he lets go of it and whispers “I love you” into my ear, before walking off. He is all I can really think about for the next two weeks, before reality finally hits. The honeymoon phase wears away and I realize that we are in a secret relationship, neither of us out to anyone but each other, and if were not careful, we would get caught. As I dropped him off that night, I told him about my fears of us getting caught.  
“Dan, please don’t worry. I love you and nothing will ever change that. I will love you regardless if we are a secret or not. I love you, bear.” He says. We quickly kiss and he gets out of the car and I wait as always to make sure he gets in safe, and when he enters, I pull off, my worries still lingering, but not as present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that was exciting. WE HAVE 100+ READS WOW. Thank you all so much for that and I couldn't have done this without you. Please comment some feedback and leave kudos as it is appreciated.


	4. The Coming Out Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is almost Valentine's Day and the boys want to celebrate without restriction, and some small talking leads to a big step in the relationship: coming out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pretend I uploaded on time. This chapter is really short because idrk, I couldn't write anymore, I wish it was better but I honestly tried. I have no plot rn,I just know where I want my end goal to be. Also, I'm going to write the next chapter from Phil's POV because honestly I don't do enough of Phil's POV

Dan’s POV  
“What are you thinking about?”, I ask Phil who is sitting across from me on my bed with a smile on his face, his blue eyes revealing that he is somewhere else.  
“You”, he says, a blush creeping up onto his fair face, causing his electric blue eyes to stand out more. You could get lost in his eyes if you are not careful. You could actually get lost in him, the way he smiles, how he pokes his tongue ever so slightly when he laughs, how he sounds when he is talking about something he loves like lions or media. It was a lot at times and sometimes hard to take in, but he was addicting and I wasn’t prepared to stop until I was knee deep and bound to get hurt.  
“You’re so cheesy”, I tell him, chuckling and shoving him a bit playfully. He laughs at the bants we share like always.  
“I was just thinking, it’s almost valentine’s day, and I kind of want to come out to our parents” he says shyly. I swallow hard. I had been thinking about it for a while too, I mean we have been dating for a minute now, but I didn’t want to know how my parents would react. They already have suspicions I’m gay, but I don’t know how they react.  
“I was too, but I’m not sure how either of our parents will react.”, I say, a slight pout falling over my face.  
“Yeah, but I do have a question for you before I get going”, he says, smiling like a little kid hiding something from their parent.  
“Phil?” I asked, part excited and part scared as he goes through the special section of his bag to get something, presumably for me.  
“Daniel James Howell, will you be my valentine?”, he asks, pulling a box of chocolate and some roses, the secret item he bought when we stopped at the convenience store that he told me not to look at. I smile and nod my head yes taking the chocolate and roses. He is such a cheesy nerd but I still love him. I kiss him slow and sweetly before we pull apart and we walk downstairs where his brother is waiting in the driveway to drive him home. We say our goodbyes before he exits my house. When I shut the door and turn around to see my mum stand in the kitchen smirking at me and my brother rolling his eyes.  
“I can tell you really like him, Dan”, my mum tells me as if years later that wasn’t obvious.  
“I mean of course I do, he is my be-” I say before getting cut off  
“You know what I mean, Daniel”, she says  
“Fine, I’m gay and we are dating, okay? We have been for a while, you guessed it. Are you happy now?”, I say, slightly annoyed until I realize I just came out.  
“Honey, calm down, I’m not mad, I already knew. I love you just the same. Do his parents know? She asks, her tone soft and motherly. It reminds me of when I was a little kid and I would fall and get a scratch and she would calm me down while she fixed the wound.  
“No… He also asked me to be his valentine, that is why I have these roses and chocolates” I say sheepishly.  
“That’s really romantic. Let me get you a vase for those.” She replies while she grabs a vase and puts water in it. I take it and go back upstairs to put my roses on the dresser and tell Phil what happened, where he of course smothers me with love and is the supportive boyfriend he always is. I lay on my bed, a grin plastered on my face. I love him so much and always have. It doesn’t feel like we have been dating a couple months, it feels like we have been dating for years, I have never been one to believe in all that sappy “true love” bullshit, but the way he makes me feel might change my mind because if I had to guess what it was like, I think it would be this. It would be putting their needs before yours and being yourself around the other person and supporting them and I found all this with my best and only friend, Phillip Michael Lester, and I never want that to change.

 

Phil’s POV  
I arrive home from running some errands for my brother’s friend so he could drop me off and then go straight over there, a huge grin plastered on my face over what just happened, only my mom is home, she is the more supportive parent. Dan just came out, giving me the courage to do so myself.  
“Mum? Can I ask you a question?” I say, already knowing where I want to steer this conversation.  
“Sure, honey, anything at all”, she replies, a smile on her face.  
“How would you feel if I was gay and secretly dating someone?”, I ask, my voice cracking a bit  
“Phil, I will always love you regardless, you know that right?” she asks me, her supportive mother voice appearing.  
“Mum, I’m gay and dating Dan”, I say, fighting back tears threatening to spill.  
“That’s okay, I still love you the same and I’m happy for Dan and you. Do you want me to confront your father first?”, she says, hugging me and a couple tears fall from my eyes.  
“Yeah, I don’t want to face his full wrath”, I say as I wipe the few tear from my face. She kind of chuckles and goes back to working. I go upstairs to my room and tell Dan that I just came out to my mum and it is his turn to be the supportive one. He does his best and it makes me happy and we just text for a while, letting the shock of being out wash over us like sea on the sand. We don’t have to worry about hiding anymore, we can kiss outside our rooms and the hidden parts of the school. We didn’t have to be as afraid, it was just me and him now, and I hope that it goes on like this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so as always, comment and give kudos, I love feedback. I love you guys and thank you so much for all the reads, I'm just a boy with poor writing.


	5. First Dates and First Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Valentine's Day and a date followed by some sexy time happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the crap smut, I couldn't resist the irony of "Don't do anything stupid" followed by sexy time.

Phil’s POV  
“Phil, time for dinner.”, I hear my mom yell up the stairs. I come down the stairs, scared of what would be said now that I’m out. As I walk down the stairs, my dad’s eyes dart to me and he watches every step I make, not helping the already awkward tone.  
“So, your mother told me that your gay. I’m not mad at you, Phil. I was a bit angry and confused at first, but as I thought about it I calmed down. I didn’t know what to do, but me and your mum only want you to have a happy and secure life, and dating a man won’t change that. But, can you please keep down any PDA? Like, you and Dan can hold hands and maybe the occasional peck on the lips, but nothing more, okay?”, my dad starts spilling as I sit down. I’m not sure if he realizes how long he goes on, but I’m just glad they aren’t mad at me.   
“Okay, dad, thank you for accepting me.”, I tell him as pick up my fork to eat. Of course though, they start talking about work again, something I have become accustomed to, so it doesn’t bug me. I eat the food on my plate until I am no longer hungry. I get up to scrape my plate and put it in the sink before I go back upstairs to tell Dan how it went and that he wasn’t mad, something I am completely grateful for. I lay down for the night, dreams there, but not memorable.  
***Valentine’s Day***  
Phil’s POV  
“Happy Valentine’s day!” I half shout at Dan as he arrives to school, where I am on the steps as I always am when my brother gives me a lift. I give him a valentine card and a teddy bear, seeing as I already gave him some roses and chocolate  
“You too, you nerd” he says, smiling as he pulls me into a tight embrace. A few people snicker and a jock walks by and whispers the word gay behind us as his friends laugh, but neither of us care, we have each other and that is all that matters. I give him a small kiss on the cheek, causing him to blush red, but I find it cute how embarrassed he gets when I do stuff like that. We walk to my locker, and I unlock it while he gets something out of his bag. He pulls out a lion stuffed animal, chocolates, and a card. I smile and hug him  
“I love it, bear. Thank you”, I whisper in his ear, putting the items in my locker so they will stay safe. We say our usual “I love you” before we go our separate ways to classes.  
After class, we meet up at his car, deciding to go over to his house for a minute and drop our stuff off before we go out. I told him I had a secret place for us to go. I was going to take him to the place we first started bonding a lot, our old spot underneath the tree at the park. It was the first place we met up outside of school and it really strengthened our friendship. We had met there because he was starting to warm up to me and we realized how much we had in common while we were there.  
We arrive to the Howell household and we put out bags upstairs so we can get going before it gets too late.  
“Don’t stay out to late”, Dan’s mom tells us as we leave.  
“We won’t, mum”, Dan says before we leave. We shut the door and start walking to the park, but I don’t tell him where we are going, just to follow me.  
“I didn’t really know where to take you. I wanted to do something special, something with meaning to us, so I chose here because we spent a lot of time here and I really got to know you here and you start- “I start babbling when I make him sit under the tree with me before I’m cut off by a pair of lips pressing against my own.  
“You talk too much. I love it, thank you, Phil. This means a lot to me”, he says once we pull apart. We both blush, but we are smiling and I’m just glad he likes this cheesy date. We sit there and reminisce on all the memories we had here and that we have had in the last many years.  
“I’m really glad to get to call you mine and have you as my own and that everything worked out. I love you so much.” I tell him, before we kiss softly under the tree as the sun sets, making the sky look amazing, a perfect backdrop for this moment.  
When we pull apart, he whispers, “I love you too”, like a secret just for me and him to know. We head back to his house and I text my mum that I’m going to stay at Dan’s for the night, and she just says okay but to not do anything that I wouldn’t normally do.

Dan’s POV  
We arrive back at my house after our date. He is so cheesy but I love him. We decided to stay at my place tonight since it is a Friday night and nobody once to be alone at night on Valentine’s Day.  
“Welcome back, how was it?” my mum asks us as we walk through the door.  
“It was nice”, Phil tells here as we walk upstairs. We enter my room and sit down on the bed. I kiss him, softly at first, but it got more passionate as it went on. It feels like electricity as we kiss, our tongues fighting for dominance, but I let him take over. I end up laying down on my bed, partly propped up by the assortment of pillows behind as he straddles me.  
“Are you sure you want to go through with this?”, he asks me before going any farther.  
“I don’t care if we are young, I want you, Phil.”, I say, my voice shaking a bit as I try to get the words out, an aching coming from my dick that is already getting hard, and I feel a small bulge in his jeans too, telling me he wants this just as badly as I do. He starts kissing my neck, causing me to softly moan. I feel a smirk on his mouth because of that and he starts sucking, leaving a hickie on my neck  
“Ph-Phil, you’ll get us ca-caught”, I tell him breathily, barely able to get the words out.  
“I want the whole world to know your mine”, he growls. I don’t know where this sexy Phil came from, but I liked it and wanted more. He starts lifting my shirt over my head, throwing it to the side as he gets to work on my collarbone, making me moan and a small moan to escape him.  
“Are you sure?” he asks, being the caring boyfriend he always is.  
“For fuck’s sake, Phil, hurry up”, I yell at him, still trying to keep my voice down. He starts to leave a trail of kisses down my chest and stomach, grunts and moans flying all over the place from the both of us. The connection between us was unbearable, it felt like there was sparks flying all around us. After he seems to be satisfied with teasing me there, he moves down my legs so he is in a better position to work on my lower half  
“Take off your shirt”, I tell him, not seeing it to be right that he was still fully dressed. He takes it off, throwing it somewhere in the general direction of where he threw mine. He starts to move his hand up and down my thigh, teasing me. I was terribly hard by now and needed him to stop teasing.  
“Phil…please”, I whine, moaning as I try to get out the words. He smirks and removes my jeans, palming me through my boxers, the moaning becoming more intense.  
“You ready?” he asks me.  
“Hurry up and fuck me!” I tell him.  
“Okay”, he replies. He grabs a condom and lube that he somehow knew was in my drawer just in case and I spread my legs so he can sit in between my legs. He takes off his jeans and boxers, revealing his dick, a site I haven’t seen before, and I take in its size, which is definitely a good size. He sits in between my legs and teases my entrance with his finger before putting some lube on his fingers and slowly inserting one, causing my face too tense, but I tell him I’m fine, because I am, just need to adjust. When he sees me start to relax, he starts to move it a bit before decided to insert another digit and let me adjust, he finally gets to three and moves them around a bit, just making sure that I’m stretched enough. He then removes his fingers, causing me to feel empty. He puts on a condom and lubes himself, then he inserts his length into me and I moan, the pain turning into pleasure as I tell him to move. He starts slow at first to make sure I’m okay but he starts to pick up speed and we fall back into a mess of moaning and various grunts, both of us enjoying the feeling. We pick up a rhythm and he hits my prostate.  
“Fuck! Phil, right there!”, I scream. He keeps hitting me there hard, both of us moaning and I feel it in my stomach area that I’m close.  
“Clo-close” I tell him, not really sure what to say, another person has never ever made me orgasm, but he knows what I’m saying.  
“Me too”, he says. He rams my prostate hard one more time and that is all it takes to send me over the edge. The feeling of pleasure rushes all through my body as I scream his name and ride out the wave of pleasure. I feel him release inside me and we just ride out the orgasm together, his thrusts becoming sloppy and out of pace. After it is over, he pulls out and ties off the condom, throwing it in the trash bin by my bed and lays down next to me, both of us out of breath, but it was worth it.  
“That was amazing, we should do it again sometime”, he whispers  
“Yeah, thank you”, I whisper back  
“I love you bear”, he says.  
“I love you too”, I tell him, and we fall asleep like that, a tangle of bodies under some blankets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me, I tried. #StopTroyesJewfro2K15. anyhow, please comment and leave kudos, it really does help me. Ily guys, stay safe.


	6. A/N

Sorry guys, I have been really busy between holidays and stuff. I will update as soon as I can. Also, I'm getting my lip pierced today which is exciting. Ilysm fam, y'all don't even know. Please stay safe and have a good day. If you ever need to talk, just message me. That is about it for now, so see you at the next update.

~Shadow~


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